Daring Greatly
How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
Editorial Review
The author recounts her struggles with vulnerability, first by unpacking how her upbringing as a fifth-generation Texan raised her to try and avoid it at all costs. She tried various personalities and strategies, all with the aim of keeping everybody at a safe distance. For her research, she studied how human connections worked, but her field of study was inadvertently shifted when, in studying important relationships, her research participants kept telling her about their heartbreaks and shame. She then spent six years developing a theory about shame.
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Wisdom to Share
Worrying about scarcity is our culture’s version of post-traumatic stress. It happens when you’ve been through too much, and rather than coming together to heal (which requires vulnerability), we’re angry and scared and at each other’s throats.
I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. With that definition in mind, let’s think about love. Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow — that’s vulnerability.
We judge people in areas where we’re vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we’re doing.
We’re hard on each other because we’re using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived deficiency.
Raising children who are hopeful and who have the courage to be vulnerable means stepping back and letting them experience disappointment, deal with conflict, learn how to assert themselves, and have the opportunity to fail.
If we’re always following our children into the arena, hushing the critics, and assuring their victory, they’ll never learn that they have the ability to dare greatly on their own.
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