Getting to Yes with Yourself
And Other Worthy Opponents
Editorial Review
While Getting to Yes With Yourself aims to improve your ability to negotiate effectively, it is designed with a much broader goal in mind: to help you achieve the inner satisfaction that will, in turn, make your life better, your relationships healthier, your family happier, your work more productive, and the world more peaceful. My hope is that reading this book will help you succeed at the most important game of all, the game of life.
Book Reviews
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This book is for the person in the trenches, who needs practical guidelines to get the very best deal possible with people and organizations that have very different backgrounds and experiences. This book is for the practitioner—for the person who faces an international negotiating challenge and who perhaps should have done
When people first hear the term “crucial conversation”, many conjure up images of presidents, emperors and prime ministers seated around a massive table while they debate the future of the world. Although it is true that such discussions have a wide-sweeping and lashing impact, they’re not the kind we have in
Wisdom to Share
Over spending decades on mediating in a variety of difficult conflicts, I concluded that the greatest obstacle to getting what we want in life is not the other party, it is actually ourselves.
If you observe yourself and others in moments of stress during negotiation, you will notice how easily people become triggered by other person. When we react, we fall into “3A trap”: we attack, we accommodate, or we avoid each other.
To observe ourselves, it’s valuable to go the balcony especially before, during and after problematic negotiation.
Each negative thought is a no to yourself. If we want to understand other human beings, there is no better way than to listen to them with empathy, and if you wish to understand yourself, the same rule applies.
If self-judgment is a no to self, self-acceptance is a yes to self, perhaps the greatest gift we can give ourselves.
Blaming usually triggers feelings of anger in the other. If we want to get to yes with others, we need to find a way to get past the blame game.
Self-understanding without self-responsibility runs the risk of dissolving into self-pity while self-responsibility without self-understanding can deteriorate into self-blame.
Your greatest source of power in a negotiation is your BATNA—your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. Your BATNA is your best course of action for satisfying your interests if you can’t reach agreement with the other side.
Your inner BATNA is your commitment to yourself that, regardless of whether you successfully negotiate an agreement, you will take care of your needs for satisfaction no matter what.
If blaming means giving away your power and thus saying no to yourself, taking responsibility means reclaiming your power and thus saying yes to yourself.
In negotiation, perhaps the biggest driver of win-lose thinking is a mindset of scarcity. When people feel there isn’t enough to go around, conflicts tend to break out.
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