Most leadership coaching focuses on helping leaders build their skills and knowledge and close performance gaps. These are necessary, but not sufficient. Using evidence from neuroscience and his work with leaders, Dr. Henry Cloud shows that the best performers draw on another vital resource: personal and professional relationships that fuel growth and help them surpass current limits. Popular wisdom suggests that we should not allow others to have power over us, but the reality is that they do, for better or for worse. Consider the boss who diminishes you through cutting remarks versus one who challenges you to get better. Or the colleague who always seeks the limelight versus the one who gives you the confidence to finish a difficult project. Or the spouse who is honest and supportive versus the one who resents your success. No matter how talented, intelligent, or experienced, the greatest leaders share one commonality: the power of the others in their lives
“Often in our lives we unintentionally repeat patterns of relating to others around us based upon patterns of connection that we have learned often on a subconscious level. Likewise the right relationships in our lives has the power to impact us greatly both positively and negatively based on how “healthy” these relationships are for us. If you have ever wondered how and why some people are able to surpass limits. I think at some level most us wonder how we become better, how we become more. Dr Henry Cloud does well to guide the reader to understanding how it happens and how you can do so as well.”— Reflections
“Everyone should read this book. It describes how desperately we need others in our lives and how our relationships, when structured correctly, can yield powerful results.”— Mark Galvin
“Dr Cloud clearly articulates the importance of healthy positive relationships and describes four possibilities of connection, one of which will help people thrive, whilst the other three diminish performance and well-being.” — Fiona MacNeill Associates
You can’t win long-term loyal friends and customers just by smiling, remembering people’s names, and paying compliments. It’s not all about you. At every turn, the most powerful benchmarks of success involve relationships in which focus is on helping others. That type of focus generates what we call Return on Relationships
In order to survive on a daily basis, you have to have the attention of someone and, on some days, a lot of people. This is purely functional, but the need seems to go beyond that. Why do you want people to take an interest in you? Do you actually need
People who project both strength and warmth impress us as knowing what they are doing and having our best interests at heart, so we trust them and find them persuasive. They seem willing (warm) and able (strong) to look out for our interests, so we look to them for leadership and
The undeniable reality is that how well you do in life and in business depends not only on what you do and how you do it, your skills and competencies, but also on who is doing it with you or to you.
Whatever we hope to achieve, our success depends on relationships with others. Without the help of others or with negative dynamics from destructive others, we will usually fail.
As long as you are alive, your heart, mind and soul will be searching for a connection: several others or a community that will bring life, all the ingredients of life that you need to get past the limit of your present existence and performance.
The need for connection begins before infancy and continues throughout life–from the womb to the tomb. If you are alive, you need it to thrive, period.