How Can I Help?
What You Can (And Can’t) Do to Counsel a Friend, Colleague or Family Member with a Problem
Editorial Review
We won’t teach you how to be a psychotherapist. The book will, we think, help you gain some confidence and competence in listening and responding to someone as they describe one of those challenging situations that come up for anyone and everyone from time to time. Some people think of helping as taking over, giving advice, lending money, or saying “There, there.” Any one of these could be truly helpful, but the odds of them working are discouragingly low if that’s how you start. You know that it’s worked if you can be together without their problem becoming the main topic of conversation over and over again. Or, if it does come up, it’s only to acknowledge that they are continuing to follow their plan. You know it has worked when you have more time and energy available to manage the other obligations in your life.
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Wisdom to Share
The second reason is that when people are feeling vulnerable, they can be reluctant to do something they haven’t done before.
Longstanding problems don’t arise overnight, and they won’t disappear overnight.In reality, a change of 15% makes a significant difference.
Confronting presents a way to end the cycle of denial and evasion and set the stage for real change to occur.
Confrontation means that there’s another way to interpret the situation.Think of confrontation as a reality check.
By asking a series of questions, you get from the general to the specific.For many problems, there can be a number of potential goals.
Your goal in listening to help is to gain an understanding of the whole picture so that you can put the problem into perspective.
How Can I Help? helps you gain some confidence and competence in listening and responding to someone.
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